Taylor Swift’s New Single F#&%!NG Sucks

Last updated on February 18th, 2022 at 09:10 pm

Taylor Swift, look what you made me do. You made me sit down on a Thursday night when I have plenty of other things I would rather focus my time on, and forced me to write an article that will most likely result in hundreds of adolescents, who don’t understand what good music is, blowing up my inbox with poorly spelled hate mail for the foreseeable future (hopefully).

Swift’s vocal in the overly-repetitive chorus of “Look What You Made Me Do” gives the vibe of Die Antwoord’s, “I FINK U FREEKY”. At some points, there is a spooky ‘Panic! At The Disco’ aesthetic derived from eery chorus strings and violin plucks. From the opening note to the closing harmonies, the track is a carefully crafted masterpiece of garbage. However, you won’t have to dig far into the comments to find her zombie-like followers raving about the new release with words like, “omg Taylor is so feisty! This song is amazzzZZING!!”.

The song, which is apparently directed as a vengeful diss at rap superstar Kanye West, is essentially three minutes of Taylor talk-singing passive-aggressive insults (seriously, I live in Minnesota and this is still too passive for me) and from what I can tell, impersonating Santa Clause? Seriously, Taylor? You have a list and you’re checking it twice? Someone kick me in the temple so I don’t have to listen to this song ever again.

“I don’t trust nobody, and nobody trusts me” is definitely an original line that deserves to be repeated four times in a row, thank you, Taylor. The juvenile lyrics don’t end there, however, because Taylor then goes on to say something to the effect of “I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.” “Why?” “Oh ’cause she’s dead!” which I took to mean that the Taylor Swift we are used to, you know, the one who makes good music, is dead.

If you haven’t yet, take a listen for yourself, and feel free to tell me why you agree with me, or why you think I’m a complete moron. I think it is safe to say, though, after this offering from the pop-superstar, expectations for her first album in over three years, the last of which sold over ten million copies worldwide, are to be extremely low.