Motley Crue Announce coming out of retirement tour!

This week 80s rock n roll icons Def Leppard, Poison, and Motley Crue announced they were going to do a stadium tour together, marking the return of Motley Crue after they signed a ceremonious contract vowing never to tour again. 

As the old geezer in the Music in Minnesota group, I am proud to say that I have seen all three acts on multiple occasions, though there is one of the three I have seen and supported more than the others.

For this journalist, Motley Crue is a band that I can honestly say changed my life. The second I opened the pentagram laden album Shout At The Devil, placed it on the turntable, and heard the voice telling us, “Children of the beast be strong, and SHOUT AT THE DEVIL,” I was hooked. I was one of the “children of the beast.”

I listened to it so much that my girlfriend dumped me because she thought I was a devil worshiper.

There I was, it was 1983 and I was 12 years old, with pentagrams all over my bedroom, posters of bloody men with long hair surrounded by scantily clad women, and now single. I even grew my hair long, bleached it, and pretended to be the lead singer in a band so I could “score chics.”

I would go on to support Motley Crue my entire life. I was there for the horrible Theater of Pain glam metal era, I stuck with them through “Girls, Girls, Girls,” I was blown away by “Dr. Feelgood,” and I even supported them when Vince Neil left and they went from playing arenas to clubs. I could not wait to see them reunite on the Generation Swine tour and even bought the New Tattoo album.

When they announced they were retiring, and signing a contract never to tour again, I knew that I had to see them one last time.

On that final tour, I ended up seeing them in Las Vegas, St. Paul, and once more in Minneapolis. I bought all their books, solo shit, and even a Vince Neil bottle of tequila. I paid airfare, hotels, taxis and multiple Ubers. The last show alone I bought a ticket for $300 thinking it was going to be the last time I would see the band that changed my life.

So when they announced that they were coming out of retirement to tour once again, only one thing popped in my head.

FUCK YOU! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!